The Brothers Krongard - Asshats in Stereo

Dateline, September 16th 2007, Iraq

Employees of Blackwater, a private security contractor employed by the State Department is involved in a shooting incident in Iraq where 17 people were killed. Blackwater claimed that the shootings were in self defense and therefore justified. An investigation by Iraqi government however claimed just the opposite, that Blackwater had fired on a group of unarmed civilians. Given the problems that have plagued the Iraqi government to this point, one wonders what type of investigation they could perform. Their version of events receives backing from of all people, the US Army, as the first soldiers on the scene after the incident also conclude that the shootings were not justified. To make matters even worse, the FBI finishes its investigation of the events that took place and while they are a little more lenient on Blackwater, they come to the conclusion that at least 14 of the 17 deaths were unjustified. So we have three independent agencies all coming to the conclusion that the shootings weren't justified against the word of Blackwater.

There is still one player left in the game however, Blackwater's employer; the State Department. The State Department decides that they too will conduct an investigation into the actions of Blackwater security on the 16th of September to determine just who is at fault. The State Department turns the investigation over to its Inspector General and as of this writing, no conclusion has yet come from the them. Why no determination from the State Department, when three separate entities have all reached the same conclusion on the events that took place? Well, enter Asshat #1, Howie Krongard. Mr. Krongard's claim to fame is that he is (or was, but we will get to that in a second) the very Inspector General of the State Department asked to look into the shooting and determine if it was in fact criminal.

Enter the Government Oversight and Affairs Committee. Led by Representative Harry Waxman, the grilling of the Asshat Krongard and the investigation of the Blackwater incident would prove to be a dubious one and bring to the public our second Asshat Krongard, one Alvin Krongard. I guess it was Buy One Get One in the committee hearing, because while being grilled about the investigation into Blackwater, Howie was asked about his brother. Why would that occur you may ask? Well it seems there is a little conflict of interest at play in the investigation, as Alvin (Simon and Theodore unavailable for comment) just happens to be a consultant and serves on the advisory board of, you guessed it, Blackwater. I swear sometimes the ineptitude in just amazing. Needless to say, Howie is no longer investigating his brother Alvin (or any of the Chipmunks for that matter) as he has recused himself from the investigation. He and his brother will not leave the show empty handed however, they are both going to receive this week's Asshat award as well as the Asshat home game.