So the 365 project is nearing the halfway point. And what have we actually learned since I began this thing 6 months ago? Truth be told I guess I have learned some things, and it wasn't what I was expecting at all.
For starters I think I learned I like blogging. Really I do. Sure I have times like yesterday where it seems a chore for the simple fact that absolutely nothing of what I would deem merit is poking around in my cranium, but by an large most days I do look forward to putting cursor to keyboard and seeing just what comes out. Like this very entry, the only beginning notion I had was “Hey, I am halfway done” and from that sprung this silly notion of what actually happened in the last 6 months. Where this entry is going from that point I don't really know. Like you, I am pretty much along for the ride. We will see what we will see. Which is a variation on something I have been saying a lot recently, “it is what it is”. A phrase that by itself would mean absolutely nothing, but it serves as a little reminder to myself that sometimes looking to find answers to everything isn't necessary. That just enjoying (or not enjoying) the present moment is itself enough. Not everything has to be Rubik's Cube, nor does everything have to be solved. Though with how I tend to overthink things, I have a feeling I will need to be reminded of that lesson on more than one occasion over the coming months and years.
Responses are more important than I originally gave them credit for. Way back in the day, in my blogging infancy I stated that I didn't really care if anyone read my scribblings, the blog was for me. Some of that is still true, the blog is still for me. It is my outlet for my highest and lowest points and everything in between. And anyone who lives vicariously through it should probably get a better hobby, because on a day to day basis my life isn't that exciting. What makes it more interesting, I think, is that I am starting to get a knack for writing. Not that I am the next Hemmingway (though I wish I were the next Vachss or Robert Parker), but that through nothing more that repetition I am starting to find a voice of sorts. And part of that is because of the responses, those thoughts and suggestions that poke and prod at the words on the page, forcing me to better explain myself or second guess just what it is I have previously written. So thank you for tagging along for the first half.
I once believed I needed a muse, a reason to sit down and write and if nothing came to me, then I just shouldn't, but these self imposed deadlines have forced me to get beyond that point. Rather that me waiting for inspiration, now the inspiration has to come and find me. And it really does change the whole ballgame in a way that I didn't think would be possible. While I started the whole 365 project with a thought in the back of my head that if it goes a month I would be happy, now there is a level of disappointment with not seeing this through on a daily basis. The one day I missed does bother me, even if I tried to make up for it in a way.
As an added bonus, by writing every day I have come across new friends on here. I am not sure how that happened, maybe I showed up on a friend of friends feed, or perhaps I tracked them down through a comment they originally left on a friend's posting, but however it has occurred I am reading more interesting material on Multiply than I have in a long time. And that is good, I had a notion that this service was turning into a ghost town of sorts, so it is nice to be mistaken and see and read lots of new creative posts from people who I might not have met had I stayed in my routine from last year where I just blogged whenever I felt like it.
Of course I learned some things about myself as well. Like the fact that I am not immune to the charms of those of a female persuasion. Not that I am running out to be with someone this very instant (I have a blog to write after all) or that I am sitting at home all alone pining for things I don't have, but just that for the first time in a while I realized that those feelings are still there, sure I needed to blow the dust off of them a bit but it is a far cry from the “I don't care” state I was in even a year ago.
I am sure there are other things that I have come to learn, things that I can't think of right now and part of the problem of blogging extemporaneously is that I am sure things slip through the cracks from time to time, but so far it has been a relatively good half year. Here's hoping the second half is just as good.