There are days like today where I don't like my brain all that much. I'd much rather have it troubling someone else's head than my own, just so I can be free from all of the thinking and over thinking it sometimes does.
When we last left our little soap opera, I had left work Friday after turning over the contents of a specific blog page to a specific individual. I am still not sure exactly why I did that, maybe I just wanted to put everything out there to see what happened, or maybe I just wanted to remove any notions anyone had that I am an exceptional employee. I have my flaws just like everyone else, mine are just less readily apparent in the workplace is all. I tend to leave mine at the door and do my job and return to them after I punch out. But I am just as flawed as everybody else, trust me on that.
I guess if it the first reason, well, we are no better off today than we were Friday because the subject wasn't addressed. And it shouldn't have been, we are at work after all. And if there is one thing that blog entry teaches us is don't hang out with Matt after work, cause god knows what he will write about it. So there was no discussion of anything over post work libations either.
The only thing I can take for certain is that everything was about as close to normal as could be expected. If she told anybody else, nobody let on or treated me any differently. And while Ed went to Florida on Saturday for a couple of weeks (Dee drove him to the airport Saturday morning), he didn't call me asking for an explanation of anything, so I assume he is pretty clueless as well.
So why may you ask, am I complaining about my brain? Well, it was something she said towards the end of the day that got my brain running, that being that she felt kind of sick this weekend and didn't really get any sleep. An innocent enough comment to be sure, but then that is why I have my head and you don't because I start breaking it down wondering why that was the case. The obvious answer would be just she was naturally sick, we all get sick after all and last I checked she is not an exception to that rule, though she almost never misses a day of work. The other, my mind is playing tricks on me response was, it was the result of the blog entry itself, that by turning it over I created a dilemma unto itself. My scribblings were either that moving or that disenchanting that they affected her entire weekend. See why I don't like thinking?
There are days like today that I just wish I could turn my head off. Don't get me wrong, I am more than capable of compartmentalizing everything, what is dancing around in my brain is not affecting my work output in the least, but just because I am sitting quietly at my desk breaking down an invoice or three doesn't mean there isn't something completely unrelated going on upstairs. I just wish it would go on in someone else's head for a change.
Awe,, him's got a big brain boo boo.
ReplyDeleteHAH! LOLing at Badreign.
ReplyDeleteMy guess is she's sick for reals. Calm down. She probably isn't sure how to respond. Playing her cards close to her chest even, perhaps.
Hey Matt, I have an idea. Talk to her and say, "I hope my being so forward as to show you that entry wasn't off-putting. I do like you a lot, but I don't wish to jeopardize our relationship as it stands. I also, do not wish to make you uncomfortable, so I thought I would break the ice and allow you to speak your mind about these matters before we, or I, rather, go any further. (TADA! She responds and both of your fears are relieved). Communication is key in any relationship, friend or other-wise. (Also, if all else fails you can move to Ohio. I've rarely seen a man with a brain. You'd be like a pet specimen to me. *grin*).
ReplyDeleteBut then what would I blog about? I keep being mysterious and secretive and I have material for the rest of the year.
ReplyDeleteNo Matt. lol Ugh, I'll get you all trained up for her my little pretty. ; )
ReplyDeleteYou have to quell that awkward residual energy by being open. Don't worry about making a fool out of yourself, we a bunch of grown bitches now. LOL! You need to lay it all on the line, especially being that your job is potentially a part of the equation.
ReplyDeleteIf I could 'like' badreign and the responses given I would
ReplyDeleteGirls liking each other on my page? That might be better than dancing with lesbians.
ReplyDeleteLOL nice, Matt. She had excellent points and were I a better friend I would have given you real advice like she did.
ReplyDeleteOk, if she is like me and something like that is sprung on me I would have a similar reaction. You work together, you do things after work together and there are feelings being expressed that she needs to digest. I would hae given a similar responce as she did. So I get it completely. I also would not have said anything about it and if the issue is pushed I would walk away. Because she did not bring it up laying it on the line might push her too far too fast and anything that might be will be over.
ReplyDeleteThere is a fine line between life and work and it has to be maintained. There are the thoughts of "if I get involved in this and it doesn't work out, can I go back to work or will I need to find another job?" There is one thing to have a relationship that is unspoken and another to speak the words. Once that boundary is crossed there is no turning back. If it works out great but the older we get the more we look at the times that didn't. If someone is still looking then they have a series of never ending terminations.
My suggestion is that she knows how you feel. If she continued to go out for drinks, maybe to get something to eat, maybe to do something on a day both are off work, that is a sign that she is ok with things and let them progress at their own pace. I wouldn't push or force a response because if she is like me it will end there.
Let me say, I am trying not to put the cart too far in front of the horse here. In reality what I gave her (a copy of the hidden blog entry) is still pretty much where I am today, curious as to her actions on that day and interested, but not all kind of madly in love with her or anything like that. Though if left to my own devices I am sure I could convince myself that I were, much like a player psyches himself up for the big game, another reason why I don 't like my head all that much at times.
ReplyDeleteI guess prior to this I have always viewed her as interesting but unattainable, like that really cool sports car you see in the showroom. So I can't say I have spent the last 2 and half years working with her as me pining over what could be, I never really viewed it as all that much of an option. And it still may not be. But because of what may or may not have taken place, my curiosity is piqued to be sure if for no other reason than I never considered the possibility before then.
I think you are doing the right thing. She didn't get pissed and hasn't avoided you so giving the blog to her to read wasn't something she is completely against.
ReplyDelete