Sunday, September 6, 2015

B365V2.104 - Should I stay or should I go?

This is one of those nights where I need the bench more than it needs me.  I got to the park with some food in tow, I picked up a gyro from the new vendor around the corner from my place (in the home of who was formerly The Wing Pitt, and before that it was Neko's Gyros, yes I can go old school like that).  I am not going to lie, today was a very long, hard day.

Today was the Memorial Service for my uncle. Little did I realize that Friday they did a private burial, just his wife, kids and siblings were in attendance as well as members of the local VFW, who saw to it that he got a proper military send off.  I did not know about this ahead of time, all I knew about was what was in the obituary about today's service.  Originally I felt bad about missing out on the burial, but when I heard that was what the family wanted, a small private service, it brought the guilt level down somewhat.

But there was still the matter of getting home for today's service.  Ed gave me the time off, but I knew he would do that.  My mom's husband, Mike, offered to come and pick me up.  That trip though seemed somewhat problematic for me though.  One, it puts my mom in a car for two hours and given her ability to get around and get in and out of a vehicle, that didn't seem like a good idea.  Secretly I knew if I went back with them I would get roped into staying, which I really didn't want to do.  Now let's not kid anyone, I don't lead the healthiest of lifestyles, I smoke regularly, I drink, I eat whatever comes across my plate (the gyro is already gone by the way) but it isn't a good way to live for my mom, who is still suffering the effects of her last stroke.  Her memory is shot at this point, I don't even know if she will remember today's service tomorrow.  Plus while I admit my apartment is a mess, I know if I would have been stuck staying there I would have ended up sleeping on the living room floor, where I would have to throw a blanket down first, because the carpet needs ripped out or shampooed something fierce, because of the number of pet accidents on it over the years.  So I hate staying there for any sort of extended period of time.

So last night I placed a call to my aunt Amy to see if I could ride with her today. Mind you, that involves getting up extra early, catching a bus downtown and then catch another bus out to Natrona Hts, which is over an hour long bus ride.  The fact I consider this a better option should tell you all you need to know about my desire to go home.

So I woke up about 5:30 this morning, climbed in the shower and got dressed, and made my way downtown, to catch the 1 Freeport Road.  I felt safe riding the bus, even after yesterday's bus crash simply because 1 isn't a prime number.  My two bus crashes this year have involved prime numbers (59, 67)  so riding the 1 felt safer.

I get out there around 9:30, they don't plan on leaving until 11:30, so I am fashionably early to say the least.  I catch up with them and start hearing stories about how poorly my mom is doing.  While I haven't seen my mom in a while, these stories do not surprise me, her existence consists of sitting around the house all day, every day.  She rules on her husband foor meals, which means more often than not they are eating out or ordering crap like pizza.  Again, not the path I wold suggest for a recovering stroke sufferer.  I was asked if I would be against my mom being put in a home if need be, just so she could get the treatment and rehab she needs.  I am not against that at all, not that I expect my old mom back at this point, I think that is already lost to me, but if her slide can be halted if not reversed, then I am for it.  If it forces her husband off of his ass to get a job, too bad, so sad.

The service today struck a decent balance of being serious and funny in points.  I come from a family of cut ups, so the idea that there would be no laughs isn't likely.  I already know some of the stories that will be told when I die. There will be the time I lost my boot in the snow, having my mom called to school because I told my kindergarten teacher that pledging the flag was against my religion, the empty Christmas package, yes there will be a few.   But today's service I thought struck the right balance.

There was the bonus of seeing some of my family, though obviously under less than stellar circumstances.  After the service we went up to my uncle's house for a while, spending some time with his wife and their kids. Then we made the trek back to Natrona Hts where we hung out for a while (I fell asleep in the couch, not used to those 5:30 am wake up times) and then Fred offered to give me a ride back into town.  I would have been fine taking the bus, I might even have written this entry sooner had I done so, but nonetheless I am back in the Burgh, and tomorrow I just keep moving.  It is how I deal with everything, just by keeping moving.

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