Blogger 365 Day 326 - More of the same

     I failed to mention earlier this week that on Sunday I called home.  In part it was because I hadn't called home in a while and the way my schedule turned out at work I didn't get to call on Thanksgiving and also I wanted to check up on how my mom was doing.  I wish I could say there is some change on that front but there really isn't.

     Ideally I would have thought that by now she would have had some sort of improvement since getting out of the hospital and maybe she has.  I don't know how well or poorly she is getting around now or if she is still having accidents or if she is even doing anything at all besides eating and sleeping.  I can only go by what I hear when I am talking to her on the phone, and what I hear isn't promising.  She was talking about my brother being away at Thanksgiving.  Mind you my brother has been dead for like 27 years now.  She was also talking about how her mom (my grandma for those that are family tree challenged) going away for Thanksgiving to a relatives house, but that her dad (my grandfather, more tree stuff) was at home.  Mind you, long time readers of this blog would note that both of them have passed away, because I made reference to it in the blog when it happened.  So clearly her mental faculties just aren't there.  What I was hoping for, that maybe the surgery she had might improve things, just isn't the case. 

     I can't even put her memory loss, or brain dysfunction, or whatever it is, at a chronological point.  There is no point where I can say she only remembers things up to this date or time because she is aware that I work in Pittsburgh, though I don't know if she knows I live here as well.  It is more scattershot in its approach, she remembers some things but not others, almost like a mind made of Swiss cheese and the holes are gaps in her memory of things that have happened, like her parents passing away or my brother committing suicide.

     Honestly, I am at a loss as to what to do.  The help and care she needs is probably beyond my skill set to provide.  Even if I were to drop everything, quit my job, move home and attempt to care for her I am doubtful that I would be of much assistance.  It is just a feeling of helplessness, like the mom I knew is slowly mentally slipping away and there isn't anything I can do about it.