Blogger 365 Day 301 - A lack of structure

      One of the perks of my job, if it can be called that, is that I really don't have a start time.  Sure I almost always put in 8 hour days if not longer, but there is nothing on the schedule that says Matt has to be in by such and such time.  Sure I am technically always "on call" and if needed I have to go in at any time, as evidenced the morning the store was robbed I was the one called in to make sure everything as back up and running as smoothly and quickly as possible, but I still have the ability to come in at pretty much any time, as long as I get my work done.

      So there are days where I sleep in a bit and hurry out the door, and there are days where even though I am technically awake, my movement around the apartment is at a slower pace because I am not in a rush to get anywhere.  There are even days, roughly once a week, where I show up early.

      The dilemma for me is that on the early days I tend to get my work done in a more timely manner.  I don't feel like I am rushing around trying to get things done.  I am not waiting until late in my shift to get the bank run out of the way, or worse doing the bank run and then coming back to finish the sales report, hoping that the numbers actually mesh.  Things just run smoother through the course of my day, and that should be motivation enough for me to just come in early all the time.  Yet it isn't.

     I still find myself laying around my apartment most mornings making deals with myself, justifying getting up 5 minutes later, or 30 minutes later, convinced that no matter what I will get everything done when I get there.  Which is true, I will get things done, there is just an added level of  unnecessary pressure to do so.  and nothing I do can shake that feeling.  I set two alarms to wake me up in the morning, both now are set two hours earlier than I need to get up, because I have already built it into my head I will not do so, even when they go off.  I'll smack the snooze or worse, just shut them off completely, then put my head back done and say I will get up in 5 minutes, which turns into as much as two hours, depending if I fall back asleep.

     I need someone or something to just give me a kick in the ass in the morning.  I am not waking up depressed, I don't dread going into work (even though I sometimes joke that I do) but there is that tipping point in the morning, where things can go smoothly or roughly for me for the rest of the day simply by getting up, and I just can't seem to find the motivation on a regular basis to go for the smoothly option.  Perhaps something is wrong with me and I just don't know it, but the worst thing for me is having the freedom to do whatever I want in the first place.