Blogger 365 Day 164 - An anniversary of sorts

     Well the Three Rivers Arts Festival closes this week and with it (and the subsequent week of my birthday), I am just about out of last times, such as the last time the Arts Festival was here I went with Ruth (who acted like she would have rather been any place else) and my last birthday was spent with her.  In all honesty the more time and space that I put between then and now just the more idiotic I realize I was being for two years.  There are times when I look back and just say to myself, "Matt, you were such a fucking moron".  As time passes though it is easier for me to accept my own stupidity.  Not justify it, just accept it.  I should have known better, there were just too many signs that I willingly ignored, as if by ignoring them or making excuses for them it was better than facing what would have most likely been obvious to anyone looking at it with no bias involved. 

    I can't say as I came out of it the same person, I pretty much don't trust anyone now, and my desire to have a relationship with anyone is nonexistent.  My blogging still suffers from it, every now and again I break through the malaise and pen something clever or witty, but for the most part my writing is still nowhere near where it was.  I am just not that nice a person to be around most days.

     Perhaps each day is a day closer to getting back to where I used to be, or maybe this is just it and the experience will shape the way I will be from here on out.  I guess time will be the ultimate determiner of that.