Multiply 365 Day 237 - Swallows minus Capistrano = Blog

 

Just sitting here listening to the Steeler's preseason game on the radio and trying my best to avoid hurricane talk, which isn't easy. Pretty much everywhere we are getting nothing but Irene this and Irene that. Mind you, this coverage has more to do with the areas that may (or may not) be affected than anything to do with the actual size and power of the hurricane, which is now not even a hurricane technically but a tropical storm. Que sera, sera.

I was at work today and my mind was multitasking, part of the brain was focused on the tasks at hand, part of the brain was thinking about what I could blog about. I haven't blogged about my social life recently because I pretty much have none. Sure I have my Thursday night volleyball, which was back this week after a two week hiatus and where I managed to smash my knee into the floor diving for a ball. So a gimpy left foot and now a gimpy right knee. My body is starting to show its 42 years right about now, and it isn't pretty.

But during one of my smoke breaks at work I am watching the pretty girls walking by, some Art Institute students, some Point Park students and my mind got to thinking about what it would be like to be , say, 20 years younger and actually pursuing the nubile creatures that were walking about. Then I remembered that I pick crazy. And that can't be a good thing, so maybe I am better off being 42 and realizing that these girls are young enough to be my daughter which is reason enough to stick with the hands off approach. After all, lets review my picks in the past shall we, one has shot herself, one suffered a mental breakdown, one thought that if you microwaved a hot dog for one minute, you then nuked 10 of them for 10 minutes, and one opted to go back to an alcoholic boyfriend who beat her. God damn I pick well.

But then I thought of something else, a slightly better thing about the women I dated, namely they all swallowed. And I thought maybe craziness and swallowing go together. I am sure there are some females out there right now that think it is crazy to swallow to begin with. But really, has there ever been a study? Is there a greater likelihood for mental problems amongst women whodon't spit? Where's my government funding for this pressing issue?

Lacking said funding, and not having that many coins in my pocket, I had to result to Google instead. My first attempt was just the words swallow and crazy, which didn't seem to help all that much. Lots of links to either porn sites or objects people have swallowed. But no answer to the pressing issue of the day. What can I say, it's a slow day in the non hurricane/tropical storm zone.

Adding the word semen didn't help much, it got rid of the people who swallow objects but also increased the porn hits. So if you are bored some night and looking for something to do, type “swallow semen crazy” into your Google search bar and have fun.

The next step was to remove “crazy” and replace it with “mental disorder”. For a change the first link wasn't “Girl swallows boatloads of cum” so perhaps we are making steps in the right direction. Maybe big steps. After all I did run into this..http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5263250/ns/health-sexual_health/t/not-just-good-good-you/. It would seem that swallowing semen may help with high blood pressure. Who knew that? But again, if you implore your female partner to swallow and she agrees only after you tell her you want her to swallow to lower her blood pressure, well she is probably crazy, thus bringing me back to the original issue. Further investigation is apparently needed.

Then I ran into this, on a dating website forum.

I found this on Redbook's website and thought it was really interesting.


Q. My fiancé loves for me to give him oral sex and I have no problem with that (believe me) , but he wants me to swallow his semen. Can it hurt me? Are there any health problems associated with swallowing semen?



A. The good news is that it's beneficial! Recently studies have shown that regular consumption of semen can actually have some wonderful health benefits. Semen contains at least 13 prostaglandins and high concentrations of hormones that retain potency if taken orally. The quality of the seminal hormones is thought to be superior to even prescription versions. In the study women who regularly consumed their lovers sperm showed such benefits as a reduction in ovarian cancers, lowered depression and many even had acne symptoms lessen or stop entirely. It is thought that the oral consumption of the potent hormones had a balancing effect on woman's hormonal ups and downs caused by their periods and pregnancy or breastfeeding.

The key to the findings is "regular consumption". Only once in blue moon won't have the same effect. Those that indulged once or twice a week received little benefits. The ones who received the results were the ones who ingested semen four to five times a week or more! Now that's dedication. If this seems like a lot of work you need to remember that your partner can assist in producing it. All though preferable, a blow job is not the only way to obtain semen. You might be surprised how fast your man can produce sperm for you all on their own.

Oddly enough only married or monogamous women showed the benefits. Those with multiple partners showed no beneficial effects or even reported detrimental effects. This is thought to be caused by the differences in the hormonal makeup of multiple partners.

 

Who knew? Well I think we all knew that the guy could assist in producing semen. Which is good, I think the semen deliveryman went the way of the old milkman. But as I thought about it more, I did realize that most of the crazy women I was with did have good skin. And none of them had ovarian cancer. So there is that. But again, if she buys the “I can help with your acne, suck my dick” ,. we once again broach the crazy conundrum. There is just no way around it. So back to searching I go.

And it was in my last search that I realized how harmful what I had done in the past had come to light. No, I still didn't learn if craziness and swallowing are linked (must work on proposal for government funding I'm afraid) but I did find this nugget on a real medical website.

 

Semen as an Antidepressant

A recent study has suggested that semen acts as an antidepressant in women, so that women physically exposed to semen are less likely to suffer from depression.

It is thought that the psychological effects of semen are a result of its complex chemical make-up including several mood-altering hormones (testosterone, oestrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone, luteinizing hormone, prolactin and several different prostaglandins).

In a scientific survey of 293 college women it was also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended, suggesting that the chemical dependency to semen creates a "rebound effect".

The effect of semen on a male sexual partner (a receiver of semen) is not known.

Yeah, we have covered the antidepressant thing already, but it was the third paragraph that scared me. Chemical dependency on semen? That my past relationships were meaningless, that while we were lying there naked and she was performing fellatio, it wasn't love, it wasn't that she wanted to but rather it was that she needed to. I had become the crack dealer of cum. “Crack dealer of cum” would not be a cool punk band name by the way. But now, as the hour is getting late and I am getting ready for bed I am troubled by the simple thought that somewhere out there a female is sucking a guy's dick and it could be my fault.