I've made my bed, now.........

     Hey, it is my second week here and I haven’t quit yet, that could be a sign of things to come, no?

Hopefully you all had a good weekend, mine wasn’t bad, if only because I finally got my bed.   Back at Christmas time my mom said that she had gotten me a bed for Christmas, or at least was in the process of getting me one.  It was actually something that was turning from a want into a need here, my old bed was small (a twin) and the springs were starting to poke through the mattress.  Let me tell you a little secret,  when you roll over in the middle of the night and a bed spring pokes you in the ass, well let’s just say that it isn’t ll that enjoyable, no matter what anyone else may tell you to the contrary.

Well, just because my mom says she is going to do something, or that she wants to, doesn’t mean that it is going to happen.  That isn’t to speak poorly of my mom or anything, sometimes money does get in the way of such a purchase, and good intentions are not usually currency in most furniture stores.  So as the calendar did that thing you see in cartoons, with the days and then the months tearing away, I was becoming almost resigned to the idea that the bed thing just wasn’t going to happen.  Which is okay, I could just go out and by my own bed, but when I would talk to my mom, she would always bring up the topic of the bed she was about to buy.  So I kind of put the bed thing in a holding pattern. 

Then on Monday my mom and I spoke and she said they were getting the bed this week, and she asked if I would be home on Sunday if they were going to bring it to my apartment.  Sunday is pretty much the only day I can guarantee anyone that I will be home, since I usually work Monday through Saturday.   So I said that I would be here and started to slowly set about the process of cleaning my apartment for the incoming bad, which from what she was saying was going to be a full size as opposed to my old twin.  Now I know many people reading this probably sleep in queen sized, or king sized beds, and a full size wouldn’t seem like all that much room, but it would be nearly impossible to get something of that size in my apartment, unless I have no use for any other furniture.  Anyway, I started cleaning, thinking I have all week, I can take my time on Monday through Friday and then go on a massive cleaning binge Saturday night after work. 

As the week progress I would do some  laundry, or catch up on my dishes, things that don’t always happen in a single guy’s apartment (if you don’t believe me, drop in on one some time), but the major stuff, like deconstructing the bed of anal springs and moving furniture around was going to be done Saturday night.

Everything went according to plan, I went out and got about 5 loads of laundry done during the week, got my dishes done, the kitchen cleaned up somewhat and even started going through things I wanted to throw out and removing them from the premises.

Saturday comes around and it starts off just according to plan, I go to breakfast at Deluca’s (I am back on my Deluca’s kick these days) where I had a kielbasa, onion and cheddar omelet and more coffee than should be allowed by law, went into work and got my Saturday projects done for this week and proceeded to make my way home, somewhere around 3pm or so.

I get in the door to the sound of the phone ringing  (for those not in the know, I refuse to have a cell phone, if you want me, reach me on my landline, or here, or email, but you will never reach me on a cell phone) and because the answering machine picks up after 3 rings, I didn’t pick it up in time.  So I put my stuff down, took a quick pee break and went to check my phone and the call was from my mom.  I figured it was her calling to say what time they would be leaving on Sunday morning, or worse, a reason why they couldn’t get the bed.  So I call her back, we end up playing a little phone tag, but eventually we talk and she says, “Guess what, we are coming with your bed tonight.”   Yikes!!!   Now I have to do an entire evening’s worth of cleaning and furniture moving in about two to three hours. 

I hang up the phone and just start going crazy, tossing stuff out left and right, scrubbing, cleaning, just turning into a cleaning machine.  Then came the bed of anal springs.  I had already tossed the mattress out, no more poking of my ass, thank you very much, but I still had the frame and the box spring in my apartment.  So I grab the box spring and toss it out with no problem, then comes the frame and headboard.  It looks simple enough, the frame just looks like it latches into the headboard, so I go to unhook it what happens resembles a Wile E Coyote plan gone wrong.  That is when I see that not only in the frame latched into the headboard, but screwed in as well.  No problem, just grab a screwdriver and get to it.  Except I grab a Phillips head and I need a flat head.  So I go looking for a flat head and as you might guess, none is to be found. 

Enter panic mode in 3…2…1.  How to I dissemble this without a screwdriver, knowing my family will be here in an hour or so and this needs to be gone.  If you guessed butter knife, go to the head of the class.  So there I am trying to unscrew a headboard with a butter knife, a process that is far more sweat inducing than using the proper tool.  After some struggling though I managed to pull off the task.  So I take the headboard out and the frame and set them out for trash pick up and just get back inside to start moving furniture around when the phone rings again.  It’s my mom, I am thinking okay, they must have just left and will be here soon (it is about an hour drive), so I pick up the phone and my mom says, “We decided to wait until Sunday to come down.”  So I just took apart a bed with a butter knife for nothing.  Fuck me, bend me over and fuck me.

So I end up relaxing a bit, talked to my girlfriend online for a while and proceeded to think I will take a small nap and get up and finish my cleaning.  Well, I overslept a little, but managed to have the space ready for the bed when they did arrive Sunday morning, and as an added bonus they had tools so I didn’t have to build the new bed with a butter knife as well.  And it was pretty easy, the new bed took less than an hour to put together, though now I almost need a ladder or a grappling hook to get into bed, it is that high off of the floor.  But it is very nice and very comfy and worth every bit of the wait since Dec 25^th.