Just be sure to fill out the questionaire correctly. From our good friends at Radar, the math, if you will....
Has Tom Cruise Ever Tried to Give Sanity a Bad Name?
INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE Cruise
The "thetans," or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or "preclears," answer the questions while hooked up to an E-meter—a crude, polygraph-like contraption—as a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject's responses for further expensive inquiry. Radar excerpted the best of the list's 343 questions. Here's a verbatim sampling.
• Have you ever enslaved a population?
• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
• Have you ever been a professional critic?
• Have you ever wiped out a family?
• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
• Have you ever made love to a dead body?
• Have you ever engaged in piracy?
• Have you ever been a pimp?
• Have you ever eaten a human body?
• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?
• Have you ever exterminated a species?
• Have you ever been a professional executioner?
• Have you given robots a bad name?
• Have you ever set a booby trap?
• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
• Have you driven anyone insane?
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
• Is anybody looking for you?
• Have you ever set a poor example?
• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
• Are you in hiding?
• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
• Have you ever gone crazy?
• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
• Have you ever smothered a baby?
• Do you deserve to have any friends?
• Have you ever castrated anyone?
• Do you deserve to be enslaved?
• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
• Have you ever zapped anyone?
• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
That is just fuckin bizarre lol
ReplyDeleteWOW!
ReplyDeleteok that's crazy
ReplyDeleteWell, I personally can answer a few of those....
ReplyDeleteYes, i've castrated someone.
Yes, I've "gone crazy" - but crazy is subjective.
And YES, i've come to earth for evil purposes.
Oh god, are the scientologists going to come after me now?
Of course, Barry Bonds could use the scientology defense in his upcoming trial and say he thought his trainer was giving him the "preclear and the cream". Sorry, but that joke was to easy for me to pass up.
ReplyDeletelmao @ matt
ReplyDeleteDone all that, oops I forgot to tell ya'll Im into Scientology lmao
ReplyDeleteIf y'all believe the folks from Radar then you are just as crazy as they try to make out scientologists are.
ReplyDeleteI was going to answer some of those, but my answers are like on the edge and could go either way, for example "Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?" I would need the word "unnatural" defined so I could answer it in the right fashion, so I'm umm not real sure how to answer...And why is "Have you ever killed the wrong person?" on there twice and jus exactly how would u know if it was the wrong person? It could have been the right person, because as you know everything happens for a reason...hmm "Have you ever zapped anyone?" I think everyone has 'zapped' someone in their lives, like when you've not used a static guard in the dryer or have drug your feet across the carpet and you have static electricity built up and you reach out and touch the nearest person ZAP! see you've 'zapped' someone!
ReplyDeleteAfter answering a few of these questions, I'm sure you'd have no trouble at all trying to 'persuade someone of your insanity'!
Actually I did a quick google of Sec Whole Track, and the wikipedia listing for it has some of the very same questions, though they sight different sources (yeah I check for citations there just to make sure it is somewhat verifiable) than the Radar article, though they don't have as many of the questions as the above listing.
ReplyDelete• Have you ever castrated anyone?
ReplyDeleteNot yet
• Do you deserve to have any friends?
No
• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
I have called L Ron Hubbard a fraud and a shitty science fiction writer to boot.
I have called Haile Selassie nuts for not allowing the Jamaicans to worship him and give him lots of REALY good weed.
I have called George Bush a F%$kin Idiot
Which puts me in bad stead with Scientologists, Rastafarians and Republicans. Should I slit my wrists now, or wait for the communal ceremony?
• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
Unnecessary, I did radio talk shows for 23 years
• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
See above
• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
These are OK, but I am expecting someone to soon ask if I would like to improve my life by selling AMWAY
I don't recall thie ever being part of Hubbards teachings that I've read about. Perhaps Alli being the scientologist amongst us could clarify this point lol.
ReplyDeleteAll you ever wanted to know about Xenu and were afraid to ask....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu
ReplyDeleteYes folks, Scientology makes the people wearing the tin foil hats look like renowed philosophers by comparison.
As a scientologist, we are not allowed to let others know anything about our cult lmao, but besides that im only a part timer so maybe the Hubbards teachings were when I went home lol
ReplyDeleteGOSH! WHERE DO I START? AND WHAT OF IT, IF I HAVE DONE SOME OR...ERR MANY OF THESE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN EXACTLY?
ReplyDelete• Have you ever debased a nation's currency? Debased or defaced? cause i have drawn a mustache on a bill before!
• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue? No, but I have watched someone bite out someone's tongue on "midnight express"....it was totally cooool ! I've always wanted to do that, but never had the occasion to! lol
• Have you ever been a professional critic? No, just a self proclaimed one.
• Have you ever wiped out a family? No, but have threatend to....if those boys didnt leave my son alone!!!
• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? I havent tried...per say...nevertheless, I may have.
• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion? unnatural? hmmm....
• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive? uhh...no
• Have you ever made love to a dead body? grose! NO, seriously, i have not, but i have been the dead body before! hahhaa
• Have you ever engaged in piracy? Yes, I loveeee wearing that patch! Makes me feel soo cool!
• Have you ever been a pimp? Yes, but I am a timid one...lol
• Have you ever eaten a human body? Nottt that i am aware of, but again, who knows...I saw them serve some very suspicious bbq on "fried green tomatoes" once, and no one knew any better!
• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing? Yes, I have gained 45 pounds!
• Have you ever exterminated a species? Only a particular species of roaches.
• Have you ever been a professional executioner? Ohhh no!
• Have you given robots a bad name? I have always had trouble naming things...so , yes, some of my robots have bad names....Shabba, and Muffin, and Raheem...Dick, Rod, Vagina....you know, general bad robot names.
• Have you ever set a booby trap? Of course, I have G.I. Joe hanging from a tree in my front yard now!
• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader? There is no rescue for President Bush now....
• Have you driven anyone insane? Depends on who you ask...my ex would say yes.
• Have you ever killed the wrong person? No comment!
• Is anybody looking for you? I'm sure...
• Have you ever set a poor example? Uhh,, yes, I am afraid so! Look at Dylan, my son!
• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? no, earth is evil ! I'm here for good.
• Are you in hiding? Not at the moment, but i do have a hole cut out in the floor of my living room where i hide from the FBI and such.
• Have you systematically set up mysteries? Well, since you asked, I am responsible for the mysterious sinking of the Titanic.
• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Oh, no...that is quite impossible.
• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? Its alllll about philosophizing baby!
• Have you ever gone crazy? Is that only past tense? Cause I have only been the mother of a teenager for 2 years now, and thats when this all started, this going crazy thing!
• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity? Well, yes, I tried to file for dissability on the basis of insanity, but they refuse to accept the obvious!
• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader? No, I followed Bill Clinton to the end.
• Have you ever smothered a baby? Do baby kittens count? Noooo....that was drowning!! lol
• Do you deserve to have any friends? deserve....ahhh, no.
• Have you ever castrated anyone? No
• Do you deserve to be enslaved? yes, please, tie me up!
• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again? any, i would imagine.
• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? no, its unreal enough.
• Have you ever zapped anyone? As in tazered? Heck yea!!
• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? Had? as in owned one? or did one? or am one? NO
Shewww....well....did i pass? Am I "in"?