Waiting. I am not very good at it. Even as I sit here and type this entry, I am at the Squirrel Cage, waiting on a steak sandwich and fries and wondering why they aren't here yet, even though I just ordered them a couple of minutes ago.
As for why the Squirrel Cage? Well, just needed to be out of the apartment for a bit, and I seem to be more inspired to write when I come here than anywhere else. Also there is the fresh cut french fries and the fact this is one of the last places around where I can smoke and eat it the same venue. I wonder sometimes if I am the only person who comes here to be inspired. After all, the place isn't much to look at on the outside, and nobody would mistake the cuisine for that of the 5 star variety, but just the same it has a hominess about it, one that I haven't been able to put my finger on. It is like a comfy pair of sweat pants, each time I visit I know what to expect, a few regulars at the bar, the same barmaid bringing me my glass of iced tea usually without me even asking, and the same quiet feel that allows me to write. I wonder if guys like Michael Chabon ever stopped here to put pen to paper, or cursor to keyboard in order to find that writing muse that is so elusive some of the time.
But before I go off on a tangent about fleeting muses, I better bring this all the way back around to the original premise, that being waiting. I am not good at it. Good thing my food is already here, one less thing to wait on. I think the hardest part about waiting for me isn't the suspense, it is more just wanting to get to the eventuality of it all. Just as I have a pretty good understanding of what my steak sandwich will taste like even before it gets to the table, I am getting a real feel for what my future will hold now (at least I think I am), but that doesn't mean I don't want it here now. Much like Christmas, you know you will get lots of cool presents, yet you still are eager to tear into them and see just what they are. I am so eager to tear into my future, that waiting for my own personal Christmas morning is hard.
So I try to distract myself, taking my mind off of the eagerness that is enveloping me. Maybe that is another reason I find myself at the Squirrel Cage right now, as a way to keep me from sitting around doing nothing but fantasizing about a future to be, a future that just a few short months ago I wouldn't even have considered and now am looking at as an almost certainty. I take comfort in that notion, that it isn't a matter of if but a matter of when, but it doesn't make the waiting any easier.
I wasn't great at doing the long distance thing because I was so impatient...but impatience has always been a good motivator for me lol
ReplyDeleteI don't think either one of us necessarily likes waiting but there are reasons for it, ones we both acknowledge. I realize that it isn't so much a matter of if, but when. In the meantime, this time apart is proving invaluable in getting to know each other. In that regard it is probably better we met this way than in person, because I imagine my own personal insecurities would have gotten in the way of even approaching her had we met anywhere else.
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