Asshat - Democracy doesn't work edition

Once again, I dropped a feeler last week to see if anyone had nominees for the coveted Asshat crown.  And once again, none were forthcoming.  Lucky for you, I keep a spare Asshat for roadside emergencies such as these, and really, anytime I can give Joe Francis something, it is a good day.  Rather than me try to explain why Joe Francis is an Asshat (as if you didn't already know that) here is yet another reason.

 

Joe Francis: I'm Just Like Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus

ST. JOE Francis

We weren't sure Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis could actually say anything to further damage his already tattered reputation until we read Joel Stein's jailhouse profile in April's GQ. Stein starts the story with an anecdote from his first experience with Francis six years ago: apparently, Meatstick Joe and Stein were watching some girl stick a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade into her vagina on the GGW tour bus. At one point, the girl's phone rings—it's her boyfriend—so Francis answers it and decides to give the guy a play-by-play of exactly how his girlfriend is using a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade as a makeshift sex toy. "That was fucking classic," Francis says of the ordeal.

Things only get classier from there.

It seems Francis was not a happy camper while sitting in a Nevada jail on charges for tax evasion for eight months (he's out now, at least for the time being), despite the fact that he had cable TV, a DVD player, and access to a phone bank, which he used to order delivery food and conduct interviews:

• On his fellow inmates: "The one thing I fear is one of these fucking people showing up at my house. I'm a different class. They're dumb. They're the people you see on Cops. Those are the people you see in jail."

• On Access Hollywood reporter Maria Menounos, who described Francis as "ever defiant" in an interview, much to his chagrin: "Fuck yeah, I'm defiant! It's like that defiant Rosa Parks won't give up her seat. Fuck you, Maria. The ever defiant Nelson Mandela just can't stand apartheid. The ever defiant Martin Luther King. The ever defiant Jesus Christ. You fucking stupid whore. If I saw Maria Menounos, I'd punch her in the face." He later clarified, explaining, "I'm just saying you can have an unpopular person who is criminalized and demonized. Jesus Christ was crucified by Pontius Pilate at my age. He was not a popular guy."

• On his plans for Panama City, where he was arrested back in 2003 for allegedly filming two 17-year-old girls naked in a seedy motel: "I'm going after the hillbillies as soon as I get out of here...I'm going to own Panama City. I can't wait to rename it Joefrancisville, Florida."

We're sure the good residents of Panama City are equally as excited for that prospect as well, Joe.