Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was the big day of sorts. It has been 25 months, but it has also been one month. I guess I should explain myself a little before I go forward.



When Ruth and I first met online, it was hard to pinpoint a date certain in which our relationship began, so for purposes of record keeping, or whatever you would call it, the date we chose was the day that she first left a comment on my blog page, September 18^th 2011. Likewise it is hard to say for certain when things actually ended, I am sure if someone went all CSI Pittsburgh on my personal life they could make a pretty good argument that things were done as early as February of this year and the last half year or so was just a matter of going through the motions, hoping things would change even though they never did.


It was on our two year anniversary though where things for me had pretty much come to a head. I had come home from work and hopped onto my computer, a process that I do most days actually. It used to be that I would spend a good bit of my time online talking to Ruth, but ever since her visit here in June that was happening with a lot less frequency. We had went from video chatting most every night to where from the day she left here after her visit in June until the day everything ended we chatted on video all of once in nearly three months time, so I guess you could say the writing had been on the wall for quite some time.


To get back to the goings on though, I had come home that night and hopped on the computer, I think I got in around 4:30pm or so. Ruth wasn't around, so I opted to head over to Amazon and figured I would pick out something for her for us making it to 2 years. I realized that it would arrive late, after all I was ordering it on our anniversary and Amazon doesn't move things quite that fast, let alone an international delivery, but still I thought it would be a good way to start the evening. I didn't pick out anything too extravagant, just a necklace with a pendant on it.


After buying the necklace and sending the order off to her place I sat around and waited. And waited. Eventually I got bored enough that I went onto Facebook and played a few games and checked out some of the updates on my newsfeed. I typed Ruth's name in, not expecting to see anything, after all I had been blocked from her page for two years because, according to her, people may talk, but part of her profile did pop up, her most recent activity, which consisted of her liking another one of the interests on Dean's page a few hours earlier. Well, I guess I could see why I wasn't allowed on the page after all, because this was the type of shit that was taking place behind my back.


It was at that point that I just came to the conclusion that it was over. Ruth would come online much later that night, almost 10pm and the first thing she would say to me was that she didn't want to talk, she was going to bed. To me that was fine, I didn't have much to say anyway. About a half hour later she sends me another message about how quiet everything is, really what would you expect when you tell me that you don't want to talk and are going to bed. But we did end up talking, or fighting actually. Really, it was just more lies, she would go on saying how Dean was dead to her, she didn't want anything to do with him, ignorant of the fact that I knew she was chasing after him earlier that day. She just kept repeating that lie throughout, it was almost Borg like in it's repetitiveness, “Resistance is futile”, indeed. But resistance is pretty much all she got from me by that point, the collective of lies was falling on deaf ears.


So I use Sept 18 as both the Alpha and Omega of that relationship, and yesterday was one month after the Omega. Things are what they are here, not great, not terrible, but each day gets a little bit better if only because it is a day where things just become a little more clearer the further away from the fog of lies that I get. If the choice is being with someone and spending my time trying to determine was is true and false or spending my time alone and knowing for certain what is true, I will opt for the latter every time. Just a shame it took me two years to figure that out.