It happened again. I had mentioned the strange disappearance of "Jesus on a Stick" guy, how he used to be on the same street corner every Thursday, shouting at all of us sinners and non believers, as if the power of his voice, and his stick could somehow shed light into our utterly dark souls. Then a movie crew came into town, and with it the Grand Poobah of Scientologists, Tom Cruise and before you could know it, "Jesus on a Stick" guy was gone. Now maybe it was just a coincidence that those two events should happen so close together, maybe not, who knows.
But now it has happened again. The master of all things Scientological is still in town, and another of those familiar faces has disappeared, someone that I call "Fucking Chicken Lady". She earned that name from the day I first saw her, she was standing outside our store with a male companion. Nothing unusual about that, there is a bus stop there after all and people do still take buses to all parts of the city. What was unusual was the conversation she was having with her male companion, which basically consisted of her yelling at him. There weren't even any pauses to breathe in her diatribe, nor breaks for punctuation in her speech. It was like something out of "The Exorcist" or something, but instead of channeling anti-Christian words, instead what was coming out of her mouth sounded like this, "Where'smyfuckingchicken?Yousaidyouweregoingtogetsomefuckingchicken.Ididn'tgetnofuckingchicken.Where'smyfuckingchicken?" With that one frenzied, poultry laced diatribe, "Fucking Chicken" lady was born.
The thing is, now she too is gone. She hasn't been seen in better than a month. If one person disappears it is just a coincidence, if two disappear it starts to feel like a trend. But what is the end game? Why are the Scientologists collecting Christians and chicken lovers? Maybe if it were rotisserie chicken it could be explained away as a fascination with sticks. Or maybe there is some diabolical experiment going on to determine which came first, the Christian or the egg.
Whatever the case may be, I am just hoping they don't come looking for French fry lovers, because then I am screwed.
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