B365V4.5 - "Bae"-watch

     Apparently some, if not all, of us have a a word or two in the English language that feels odd when we say it, almost cringe worthy.  I know plenty of people who have issues with the word moist, I am not one of them but I have talked to many people who have problems with that word.  Likewise I have a friend who has an issue with Isaly's using the word hammier, and if there are degrees of haminess (I would say there are and Isaly's is the hammiest).  But I wouldn't be typing this unless there was a word which fit that buzzword void for me and there is, it's bae.

     Doing a quick google inspired search led me to three possible origins for this collection of letters, the first being an shorthand for "before anyone else" which would be great if one was referring to themselves, but I have rarely seen someone say they were their own bae.  Being a proponent of the philosophy of you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, it would make sense to me if someone called them self their own bae.  Beyond this potential meaning though, the wheels start to fall of the wagon for relative usefulness.

      As I was searching, I read it could also be an affectionate term for baby, at which point I would say then just type baby.  I mean are we so fucking illiterate that we can't be bothered to type one more god damned letter.  Really, if you are that lazy might I just suggest you kill yourself now and save the rest of the world the troubles of your laziness.  What sort of mathematical calculations are going through your mind at that point, "you know I could type baby, but that extra letter, it might take a whole extra 3 tenths of second to type and I don't have that kind of time."  If you can't invest the fractions of a second in your relationship to use something approaching English by typing one extra letter, then your relationship has far bigger issues than trying to be cutesy in a text message.

     The third thing I ran into made this all kinds of entertaining though, as bae is apparently Danish for poop.  Talk about terms of endearment, I can't recall at any time during my 47+ years on this planet where I felt compelled to call someone I was romantically involved with my little shit nugget.  Or worse, as I am sure we have all had those days where we ate something that did not agree with us and perhaps Pepto Bismol was involved, but you went to the bathroom and did your business and then went to wipe and the best way to describe the process was finger painting with your ass.  You're hoping against hope that the toilet paper has enough integrity that your fingers don't come plowing through it like a PAT bus on the busway and you get fingers full of liquid bae.  Get me Shirley McClaine on the phone, we have a winner.

     Oh well, I could spend all night here complaining about poop but I have brownies to bake and I hear they are really moist.