Urine for a treat

Time to touch the puppethead. Kudos to anyone who got that reference, for the rest of you, video goodness.


Anyway, I did mention that I had a job interview Monday, nothing too exciting, it was Wal Mart after all, and one not so close to where I live on top of that. It's a full two bus rides away from my apartment, though I have couple of different ways to get there. What was interesting though, the location is out by where our studios used to be when I first started in radio way back in 1996, so there was  a weird feeling of nostalgia. I hadn't been to that section of town since long before the Wal Mart had even been built. A drive in theater used to be on that particular plot of land, so obviously that was different.
I think my first of "I remember when" moments came when my bus finally got on to the main drag, US 30, that runs out through that section of town. I remember back when I was interning at the radio station, there was a stretch of road, just at the exit for East Pittsburgh, where I could open up the car a little bit. Usually I was stuck in rush hour traffic on the Parkway East to that point, and for whatever reason, the curves in the road just reminded me of a Formula 1 course, so I would enjoy zipping through the curves, knowing I would be at work in about 5 minutes. Mind you, taking a bus is much slower, but also much cheaper as in no gas or insurance to worry about, but still it was a pleasant rememberance moment. In any event, I got to my location, noticed that the bowling alleys in stereo were still there, so I guess some things never change. The bowling alleys are unique because, frankly, bowling isn't all that popular. Mind you, I like to go once in a while, but face it, it is way down the sports ladder, so what is unique is that on either side of US 30 there is a bowling alley. How they can stay open literally right across the street from each other is beyond me, especially when one considers the number of businesses out there that have folded up. I should note most of them closed before Wal Mart got there, but some, like Popeye's Chicken had an entire business lifespan happen since the last time I had been in the neighborhood.
So I get off of the bus outside Wal Mart, I had planned on being at least an hour early so I could grab lunch and possibly do a quick run through of the store, just get an idea of how it is laid out inside, but a combination of a bus breaking down and a horrid traffic jam over by the Rankin Bridge blew probably 30 minutes of my cushion. As a result I just had a pre game cigarette, then went in the store and did a quick walk through of the toy department, where I believed I was going to be working.
About 5 minutes to 4pm, I go to where I need to for the games to begin. I am walked to the back of the store and taken to what I would guess was the personnel office. Just a quick couple of things had to be signed and they had me review my online application. Originally I had applied for a different location, and because of different bus schedules, I had hours listed that I could have worked there, but not where I was. No problem, they just had me make adjustments. Then I was told that the toy department already had the hours I was looking for covered, but I could be a cashier if I wanted. Having seen the toy department, I figured what the hell, all I am going to do in toys is bust up orgies between the Barbie and GI Joe dolls anyway.
Next I am told that I am going to take part in a new interview technique they are trying out, one person is going to ask me questions, then I will leave the room, they will discuss whatever it is they discuss, maybe break out there prayer mats and face Bentonville and ask for guidance, then I would come back in and answer some more questions and the process would repeat itself and finally they would let me know if I would be offered a job or not.
Mind you, interviews are like lasagna to me. I blogged back in my 360 days of the whole "get lucky with lasagna", where any time I would make lasagna for a female we would end up sleeping together afterward. It actually got to be such a joke that one time I made it for a girl I was dating at the time and she looked and me and said "So, are we going to do it?" which of course was met with, "Why yes, I think we are." Same thing with me and interviews, I can't remember ever getting an interview with someone and not coming out with a job, so I don't sweat interviews nearly as much as some people.
The questions begin. Unfortunately they were questions and not answers a la Jeopardy, where I could then answer in the form of a question. That might have been more challenging. Instead it was stuff like "Think of a time when you were upset with someone but showed patience anyway?" Really, just cake walk stuff, it's like fudging a high school essay. I did my requisite deep thinking and came up with "thoughtful" answers and after about ten of these I was asked to leave the room so they could pray to Sam Walton for guidance.
After about five minutes, I was escorted back into the room, where someone else took up the questioning. The smartass in me thought to myself "Maybe this will be the lightning round" but no, it was more of the same probative questions but with a new person asking them. It was the worst good cop, bad cop I had ever been part of, more along the lines of good mall security guard, bad mall security guard. The final question was "Name a time when you followed a policy, even though it wasn't written out, but you knew what you were supposed to do." This brought out the blind story.
At the radio station, the building we are in was actually constructed and paid for by the station's owner. He owns almost 30 stations between Pennsylvania, Florida and Oklahoma, so one could say he has been fairly successful in doing radio his way. But one of his quirks is that he pays attention to the smallest details, one of which is the blinds. Al of the windows in the builidng have blinds, and while we don't control what happens on floors one and two, those are leased office space, we do control floors three and four, three housing the radio studios and the sales offices, four housing the corporate offices and on floors three and four, while you can tilt the blinds whichever way, you can not raise and lower them because he believes that the building looks less uniform and sloppy to have blinds all willy nilly. Mind you, it is something that has never been addressed in a memo, it has never been brought up in a meeting, if you work there, you just know not to touch the blinds. Of course my stupid story won the day, I had them laughing and I was in like Errol Flynn.
Just some post game wrap up, I had to take a drug test within 24 hours or the job offer would be rescinded. Because my interview ended when it did, I would have to wait until today to take that test. The best part was, the place to take the test was actually down the street from where the old studios were. The bad part is, while I would be taking the same buses to get there, after getting off of the bus, I would have about a two mile walk to get to the testing place. The bad thing about public transportation is the lack of curbside service. It would be so much cooler if they had that.
So I get through the radio show today and I begin my trek back over to take my pee test and while I am at the bus changeover place, I start to think that I might have peed before leaving work. Great, performance anxiety. However, I arrived at the place to change buses early enough that I figure I might as well grab a quick bite to eat and something to drink to better fascillitate my upcoming test. I first stopped at a Get Go, they are convenience stores operated by Giant Eagle. I figure maybe they will have chicken salad or something good, but instead all they had were italian subs, and none of them looked to be consumption worthy, so I then head over to McDonald's and grab a couple of double cheeseburgers and some fries. I decide to grab a beverage back at the bus stop and snag a Pepsi from the vending machine, so I sit and eat and wait for my second bus. Luckily I had enough time to eat everything before the bus arrived, so I figured maybe I was good to go, in more ways than one.
I hop off of the second bus outside Wal Mart and begin my walk to the testing place. I have to walk past the bowling alleys in stereo, down the other side of the hill, make a right at the very intersection where the radio studio used to be and walk down that road about three quarters of a mile and the testing place is supposed to be on the left. I get over the hill, start down the other side, and the heat is catching up with me, it must be close to 90 degrees and a healthy amount of humidity just for good measure. The double cheeseburgers are now like an anchor in my stomach and I am sweating out all of my pee, come on back performance anxiety for a second show. I am thinking by the time I get there, the fluids will have left my body anyway, so I had lunch for no reason.
I get to the place where the radio station used to be, it is now a Rite Aid. For a brief moment I reflect on all of the good times we had in that building. As bad as it was, and as old as the equipment was we used back then, and trust me the stuff we use now is light years beyond the stuff we used just ten years ago, there is something about doing almost seat of the pants radio with outdated equipment that was better than what I do now. Not complaining about my current lot in life, far from it, but I think a radio geek would understand what I am talking about.
I make the right and start on a 3/4 mile downhill walk to the testing site, and the first thing that comes to mind is I am going to die here. 4 lanes of traffic, two each way and no sidewalks, and I wonder if Wal Mart will break out the prayer mats facing me when they interview for their next cashier.
I make it there without being hit by a car, though I managed to acquire a sunburn on my face and arms and my shirt is now like a towel, but I made it nonetheless. Some brief paperwork and I am handed a cup and told to pee to a certain line marked on it and then if I still have to pee, to use the toilet for the rest. Hell, if there was snow, I could have written the Gettysburg Address. I at least could have filled the glasses for a table of four, though I doubt the diners would have appreciated the choice of beverage all that much, but anxiety was uncalled for.
Of course, that also meant I now an a 3/4 mile walk back uphill, and going back to the bus stop again, past the stereo bowling alleys and back to Wal Mart. I managed to get to as far as Rite Aid before I stopped for water. That is what I get for writing the Gettysburg Address I guess. So I grab a couple of bottles of water and about 15 - 20 minutes later I am back at the bus stop. All good, it's looking like I will be able to catch an earlier bus than the previous day when I had the interview, but lo and behold, when my bus arrives, it pulls over, as apparently it had been overheating. The thing is, it is now evening rush hour, so the availability of back up buses is problematic at best, and even to get another driver would require calling someone in having them get to the garage and then drive the bus from the garage to where we were, a project that would take longer than just waiting for the next bus. Thankfully, the driver got the bus semi functional again after about 15 minutes, so off we were, my day seemed to be at an end, except the bus broke down again about half way from where I boarded it and my changeover point. I think I finally got home about 40 minutes behind schedule, but barring something unbeknowst to me showing up in my urine, I have a new job., I just have to wait to find out when I start.
Okay, story is over, you can all go back to work now.