"Cock"-a-doodle-doo

So I am at work tonight and one of the things about that place is we get copies of the City Paper, a local, independent newsweekly.  It isn't much of a paper, most of their most talented people have left for hopefully greener pastures, though one of my old radio partners in crime, Lynn Cullen, still does a daily podcast for them.  None of that matters regarding today's story, which is what I saw in the paper.

Towards the back of the paper are the classifieds and the crossword puzzle.  So i opened to the crossword puzzle, at work we sometimes treat it as a communal exercise, everybody adding their own intellect to it in hopes we can complete it.  I was reading through the clues to see if any easy answers jumped out at me, and after that I am looking around the rest of the page, which had some classified ads as well as adds for phone sex numbers or party lines or whatever the kids are calling them theses days.  There were a few help wanted ads as well, most of them were get rich working from home scam type things, but then i came to the For Sale ads, and this is where the comedy ensued.  In there was this (none of the information here is changed, if it is good enough to be published in a paper, it can be published here as well).

For Sale
The 6-page autobiography of Frank Franc, "Young Man With Extremely Large 'Appendage'"
Send $10 To:
Frank Franc
P O Box 101804
Pittsburgh, PA 15237-9998

I could not stop laughing.  6 pages for an autobiography, such a short story for such a large appendage.  And you know it couldn't be six written pages, there has to be a dick pic, just to prove the existence of this monstrosity he is packing.  To be able to sum up your life in 6 pages though is quite sad.  Especially when your life seems to be fully engrossed in your cock size.  It's funny and saad at the same time.  Assuming there is at least a page of penis pic(s), he better be Hemmingway-esque if he thinks I am dropping $2 a page for a cock and bull story.

While I will not be a member (these puns almost write themselves) of the group that buys this short story, it may make a great Christmas gift for someone on your list.  Just don't buy me a copy.