The absurdity hit right when I went out for my first cigarette of the day, as laying there on the sidewalk was a gummy penis. Yes we have photographic evidence as seen here
While the product is odd in and of itself, it isn't surprising, given we are located underneath a porn shop and they do have some odd items up there, like candy cock rings, so bags of gummy penises (scientific plural, penii or penae?) are not beyond the realm of possibility. My mind went to that place though where as soon as they got out of the porn shop someone had to think they had to get some gummy penis in their mouth. No waiting on this delicacy apparently. But they were clumsy with their new found edible genitalia, as now on the sidewalk beside my feet was a candy cock. This instantly got filed in my brain as blog worthy, after all it isn't everyday you see a gummy penis. Not that they are as rare as bald eagles mind you, but I have seen a bald eagle before, gummy penae, not so much.
A little later I went back outside to check on the gummy penis, because it was raining and I thought it might have washed away, but just like a kid who frets over a caterpillar I needn't have worried, the gummy penis was still there. I even pointed out to a coworker who didn't believe it was out there. Having delivered the shock and awe to my coworker, I finished my cigarette and went back inside, safe in the knowledge nothing would happen to the gummy penis for the rest of the day. I went back to the office and finished my paperwork and got the deposits ready for the bank.
I collect everything and get ready to go to the bank. I step outside and look and the gummy penis is gone. "The Case of the Missing Penis" as I labeled it. I looked around in case someone may have kicked it down the sidewalk, or knocked it into the street. If I would have had crime scene tape I would have roped off the area but I left my crime scene tape at home. I would have sucked at being a boy scout, I am never prepared. I wasn't prepared to see a gummy penis today and I wasn't prepared for the gummy penis to disappear like a valuable piece of artwork either. Sucks to be me I guess.
But I can't have a crime without a culprit can I? But since I had no clues and no suspects for that matter, I am just going to go ahead and blame this on Fucking Chicken Lady, because the only thing that would make today more complete than it already was is the image of her standing outside screaming into her phone, "You said you were going to get my gummy penae? Where's my fucking penae?"
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